Anxious in Love: Your Survival Guide

Anxious in Love: Your Survival Guide

I've got a confession: As self-assured as I came off, I used my romantic relationships as an anchor, dating grounded men to keep my head above water in my unpredictable life. Yes, Me, the one who’s always chased, never the chaser. Surprise, right?

I had to ask myself: WHY do I keep relying on my partners for emotional stability? Then, I started thinking about my parents. My mother, the queen of emotional theatrics, never apologizing, instead preferring to cry and gaslight when confronted. My dad? He'd rather laugh his way through life than face anything remotely discomforting.

It was clear: I sought out stable relationships to find the grounding I lacked growing up. And when things went sour? I was out of there faster than a bitch on wheels, ending things before they could even think about leaving me.

That, ladies, is the epitome of an anxious attachment. It's like having a demon on your shoulder, constantly whispering in your ear that you're about to be abandoned.

Our attachment styles are formed early in life and are heavily influenced by our relationships with our parents or caregivers. In my case, the emotional roller coaster of my childhood led to an anxious attachment style. Folks like me are often insecure about their relationships, constantly on the lookout for signs of trouble. This can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors, like my impressive tendency to end relationships at the first sign of trouble.

Now, here’s the important part: Recognizing and understanding my attachment style was the first step towards changing it. With the help of a good therapist (yes, even us HBICs need some professional help now and then), I've been able to face my fears of abandonment head-on and stop relying on my partners for the emotional stability I should've been providing for myself.

Ladies, remember this: YOU are responsible for your own emotional well-being. Your partner can complement your life, but they can’t complete it. Once you get that in your head, you’re on your way to healthier relationships. I wanted to share what worked for me so that we can tackle this anxious avoidant attachment together!

Here's a survival guide I cooked up:

1. Mindfulness Meditation: Being mindful is all about living in the moment. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, but right now. Me? I do a 10-minute meditation every morning. It's all about controlling the guest list in the party of your mind.

2. Cognitive Restructuring: This is about catching your negative thoughts and giving them a reality check. Whenever I feel my anxiety creeping in, I put those thoughts on trial. "Are they going to leave me?" BAM. Restructured to, "We had a disagreement, it doesn't mean the end of the relationship."

3. Build a Secure Relationship with Yourself: Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have. I spend some quality 'me' time every day. Dancing in my underwear, painting, even pole dancing, anything that makes me feel good.

4. Regular Exercise: This isn’t just about maintaining your killer physique, though that’s a great bonus. Regular exercise can actually help reduce anxiety. When I’m not breaking hearts, you’ll find me breaking a sweat.

5. Good Old-fashioned Therapy: Yes, even us HBICs need some professional help now and then. A therapist can guide you through all of the above and more. Trust me, it's a game-changer.

I'm not cured, I'm just doing MY BEST. I'm focused on building a solid home within myself so that I stop looking for home in everyone else.

I hope this helps! Let me know if this resonates with you in the comments below or DM our IG @Shopkoketa!

Back to blog